Do you know your value?
How do you figure out your worth?
There are so many ways to calculate how we add up. From earnings and savings to career and job title and even further to marital status and children. Where do you even begin?
Knowing Your Value, a book by Mika Brzezinski, got me thinking about my value but more precisely how women determine their value. From a young age, girls are taught to work well together while boys are taught to win. This has caused all sorts of adult issues in the workplace and beyond. Without quoting the entire book (and I would, it was really that good), the overall premise is how women perceive themselves and aren't fighting for what is rightfully theirs. We're not winning. We're losing... badly.
As I read this book I thought of how differently I was raised and how my career has gone very differently. The biggest thing I realized was my utter lack of knowledge for how women normally act in work & life situations. My sister & I have a mother who never planted dreams of a husband and babies in our heads but instead made sure we knew how important education and a career would be to our futures. She showed us how to value ourselves and made sure we had the skills to excel. There was never talk of women vs men or how women were any different. It was just the way it was.
In college, when asked what I planned to be when I grew up, I only had a picture of myself walking through an office being greeted by my receptionist with a "Good morning, boss. Here's your coffee." while I carried a black briefcase and wore a black power suit. That was my plan - to be the head of a company & have a fantastic staff working for me. I never thought of myself as a woman doing something extraordinary, I was just headstrong and driven and knew I would be someone more than a workerbee.
In Knowing Your Value, Mika talks about how few women will stand up for themselves when a boss or colleague is holding them back. While heading toward my career goals, I worked myself out of sales positions by doing more than those in senior positions, then asked for a raise or promotion. More than once I was told I was doing too well at my job to leave it for another one. I'm not saying I was held back due to a 'you're a woman' slight but as a woman, I could have easily just agreed and continued working in that position. Instead I would find another job and, too late, my boss would try to keep me by offering me what I had asked for. Knowing my value was key in these situations. If I didn't know my value, I wouldn't have been able to ask & be willing to leave if I didn't get what I wanted.
While out to drinks with a girlfriend recently, she shared her job discomfort as the head of a department she had singlehandedly built and how she had no power. I asked what it would take for her to keep her job and it all boiled down to not making enough money for the time she put in. Along with that, she didn't have seniority enough to help implement the changes she saw needed to happen. Her Senior Vice President colleagues were at the same level as she but were 20 years her senior and making at least 4x what she did and were able to make decisions without having to go through numerous levels. Because her department focuses on digital and because digital doesn't come with 20+ years of experience, she felt she had put in the hours and years to make the decisions that affected a lot of the company's revenue.
My response: Ask for the title and a bonus.
Her first response: There's no way they would do that. I should just keep looking for another job.
Me: You have the experience in your field AND you work just as hard if not harder.
Her: I do work really hard. I do deserve more than I'm getting.
Me: What's the worst that can happen? They say no? You're looking for a new job anyway.
Her: You're right! I would be happy in my job with more power and more money.
Me: Remember, present just the facts. This is not an emotional thing, this is all business. If they don't see it after this, they don't deserve you.
One of the biggest things many women do wrong is work their butts off hoping someone sees how hard they work & gives them a promotion or raise. What really happens is we become the person who can take on any project and our plates get so overloaded we burn out. Men keep a list of all the things they have accomplished and why they deserve a raise. Women, take note. You need to be doing that too. You're probably working harder than your male counterparts and making less money or not getting the title you truly deserve.
If you know how much you're worth and you value yourself, so will your colleagues and boss. When was the last time you looked at your job title & position? Are you where you want to be? Are you working too hard to be noticed?
See, I had cancer. I was known for 
"Oh, but it will grow back!” well-intentioned friends comment.
as i watched a