by Stef Woods, City Girl Blogs

When I saw a Tweet from my friend, Melanie, come into my feed, I stared at my laptop screen with an odd expression on my face. To paraphrase, the Tweet said:

Hey @citygirlblogs, I think my hair is even shorter than yours now!

I exhaled before I responded: Yes, but yours was a choice :)

See, I had cancer. I was known for my long, beautiful red hair. My hair was a huge part of my identity and my brand.

I shaved my head before six rounds of chemotherapy caused me to lose all my hair. As much as I missed my long, red locks, I wore a wig only a handful of times. I didn’t mind being bald; I actually kind of liked it! I felt confident without hair and as sexy as I could in the midst of six months of treatment and the accompanying side effects.

To most people, though, my comfort with my baldness made them uncomfortable. My baldness forced others to have to think about cancer and their own mortality. I get how scary that can be for some.

When my hair started growing in, I was able to embrace the buzz cut. I felt like a rocker chick! Now that my hair is short, though, I have to fake being confident about my appearance. Post-chemotherapy hair grows at half the speed that normal hair does, and it doesn’t grow evenly. In addition, the chemicals in chemotherapy commonly cause hair to curl. I spend more time and money now to maintain my short hair than I did when I had long hair.

Despite the fact that I’ve told my friends and written about the fact that I can’t talk about my hair, I inevitably receive several comments a day about it. People view hair as a sign of vitality and beauty. I view my short hair as a constant reminder of what cancer took from me.

"Oh, but it will grow back!” well-intentioned friends comment.
“In a minimum of three years,” I reply.
“It’s so thick now!” they say.
“It was thick before,” I respond.
“I know you don’t like short hair,” they try to reason.
“I like short hair on others. I’ve never liked short hair on me. And, this wasn’t a choice!” I remind them.

A study of breast-cancer patients revealed that 30% suffer from depression and 20% suffer from body image issues -- post-treatment. I’m thankfully not depressed, but I am honest and open about my feelings. It will take a long time to look in the mirror and like what I see. Until then, I’ll fake it until I can make it. I won’t let my displeasure at my post-treatment appearance stop me from dating, enjoying time with my friends or smiling at the cameras at an event. I don’t have a choice as to the length of my hair. I do have a choice as to how I live my life.

To some, that might be perceived as confidence or sex appeal. To me, that’s living my life to the best of my abilities.

--

Stef Woods is a university professor, sexuality educator, writer, former practicing attorney, and breast cancer survivor and advocate. She writes about relationships, sexuality, dating, health advocacy and cancer on her website, City Girl's Blog. Follow her at Twitter @citygirlblogs.

Photos by Kristina Hopper (top left) and Naiffer Romero (bottom right).

Hebrews 12:7 - Endure hardship as discipline...

Standing at my counter while I make dinner, sweat drips off the back of my hair and onto my neck. It's Monday night and I just finished a really hard BodyCombat class. On Thursday, I ran the Turkey Chase 10K in 56min with my friend, David (@dcborn61). On Saturday, Joshua & I ran a 4+mile hill run and on Sunday, we hiked Stony Brook Park (and by hiked, I mean, climbed a LOT of precarious stairs up to the top of a mountain so we could see the falls pictured here). My muscles ache, I really need a shower and I'm starving, but man, I feel incredible.

I'm inspired to do something.

Evernote reminded me that I had notes from last Sunday (thank you for the sync from my phone!) and after reading through them, I realized that this is something that is obviously on my heart. Pastor Todd (@swirlyfoot) gave a sermon at Church in Bethesda about the saints. He talked about the tough things they went through to become saints but they were never all talk. They had action behind their talk & endured hardship. The sermon was pointed at getting off our butts & doing something instead of just talking about it. Todd told us that each of us could be a saint in our own right if we stopped just formulating ideas and went out to put them into action.

My initial thoughts for this post were about formulating a plan for the next month to get off my butt and show myself what I'm made of physically. The verse above, Hebrews 12:7, is the beginning of a few verses (seriously, go read them) that talk about how God is our Father disciplines us for our own good and and how even when our earthly fathers have done the same, we've respected them. Being able to discipline ourselves to action allows us to correct our own paths.

MIND:
Based on what the Bible is saying here, I know I must discipline my thoughts, my words and my actions to make sure I am wholly good and holy for Him. If I can do that, I'll be wholly good to everyone around me. Being a Christian is so much more than just going to church on Sunday and praying over dinner. And although some of you may not agree with me, being a Christian isn't about just telling everyone that God will save them. Being a Christian is about being an upstanding member of your community in everything you do. It's about who you are when nobody is watching AND when everyone is watching. Finding myself standing here knowing that I'm a leader in my small community, I know it's time to correct my path.

I've always struggled with prayer and downtime. I've always had a hard time just quieting my mind. Running helps  me quiet my mind (we'll get to that next) but otherwise, I'm a million miles per hour in thought. Being able to refocus my thoughts will allow me to be a better Christian AND a generally better human to my community. Ever been around yogis? They're incredibly peaceful to everyone around them. Hmm... we'll see how this goes.
 
BODY:
This goes back to me sweating and feeling amazing yet painful after a few straight days of working out. I'm disciplining my body to do what I want it to and it's respecting me for it. For the last few years, I've been pushing myself to do more but then I fall into a comfortable pattern and end up working out only 3x a week.. maybe. This year, running has become something of an addiction for me but sometimes what I put in my body (fried food, alcohol, etc) doesn't allow me to have the drive to get up and run the next morning. While in this space, I always wonder (even though I know) why I can't break the barrier that shows me what I'm really capable of. In order for me to see results from this discipline of my body, I need to get off my butt and make it a reality.

If you repeat a behavior over and over, it becomes a habit.

My plan is to make these two behaviors good habits. Thanksgiving is now over and Christmas is on its way. These aren't insane plans for having a killer body or being a Christian saint, but they are simple actions that I want to become a part of my lifestyle, not just a phase.

4-WEEK NEW HABITS CHALLENGE:
MIND:
- commit to praying every morning & every evening
- commit to 15-min of quiet time for just reflection every day
- commit to being in bed by 11pm & waking up by 6am every day
- commit to tracking thoughts on paper daily

BODY:
- commit to 30-60min of exercise every day
- commit to eating & drinking only healthy
- commit to stretching every morning
- commit to tracking exercise on DailyMile.com daily

Now that I've written it down and said I'd do it, it's on. I'm ready... are you?
 

Being in silent mode on a flight across the US with no constant email message and no one texting me, I'm required to think. My mind wandering from leading my company & inspiring my employees to organizing myself & finding more time with God in my hectic schedule to the one thing I can't stop thinking about no matter what else floats into my brain.

A man who is calling on God and being led to be with me. A man who already loves the woman I am from only two encounters over two weeks and countless conversations about the future.

Although the biggest thing on my mind has to be leading my team to success, I feel like there has to be a partner in all of this. My friends and coworkers are great. Even other colleagues and acquaintances are helpful but having that one cheerleader who always believes in you and truly cares about you is something I've truly missed.

Dave Ramsey keeps talking about spousal approval and says that a great spouse will always have your best interests at heart. I resent hearing that because my dogs are the closest thing I have to a spouse and they don't care what I do. Most relationships I've had have not been built on trust, prayer or safety and I know that all of those are needed to ensure success.

This man is showing me what a truly Godly man is and is proving that he can lead by showing me how God is working in his life AND mine. Being able to start at this place allows us to cheer for each other and not feel taken for a ride. With my craptastic relationship history, I am still skeptical and will be until I can feel God leading me also. His support while I am searching for God's voice is imperative and so clearly there.

Being able to sit back and feel his prayers going up for me when I am feeling scared, nervous or even thinking things I shouldn't, has been some of the most heartfelt love I've ever been touched by. My heart is fighting with my head and at this point, my strategic mind is winning. My heart bursts with the beginnings of love and excitement while my rational mind tells me to slow the hell down.

I keep thinking that this must just be how things are in his life but this is apparently SO different and new to him too. Balancing the last 14 years of decisions he's made without asking God first and this new life that he is basing solely on God's purpose has been so freeing for him.

My life has been free for a long time but my brain still tells me that it's trapped in the mistakes of my past. Too many questions, worry and skepticism. I find that I haven't fully placed this potential relationship on God's shoulders. I know this man is not manipulating me but my head doesn't wrap around that. He just knows that God's got a bigger life for him and is positive that it includes me.

How do you run from that?! Time to fully give it to God & let go of the past.

Walking through this I'm reminded of a song my dad and I used to sing when I was a kid:

"In His time, He makes all things beautiful, in His time. Lord, my life to you I bring and may each song be to you a lovely thing, in Your time."

Photo by: Patrick Onofre

Ever just sit back and wonder how much God loves us? Ever wish you could understand the love He has for us? I've been doing that the last two days. It almost feels like it's not even possible that anyone could ever love us that much.

Yesterday at church I sang a song called "How He Loves". I chose that song earlier in the week and felt like I absolutely had to do it. I have only heard it a few times and didn't know how to sing it very well but I led our congregation in this as a meditative song before Communion. I started realizing how terribly I was singing the verses and kept going back to the chorus... at first thinking that I should have practiced it more and wondering what people would think of how I was messing it up... 

Then I realized that I needed to focus on the chorus. It's so simple but it says:

"He loves us. Oh, how He loves us. Oh, how He loves us. Oh, how He loves." 

As soon as church was over I had the overwhelming feeling of not being able to draw in a full breath and not understanding why. I left as soon as the service was over and heard these words over and over in my head and started crying.

Today I got an email from a girlfriend who I had gone on a big trip with a few years ago. We were talking about how we'd been thinking about each other and she said she heard How He Loves Us at her church yesterday and was thinking of me since that was a song she introduced me to. I'm not sure that's just chance... God's in that. Right there in that. He knew I'd been thinking about this and made sure I knew someone else was thinking about me in this too.

I started thinking about the words of the first verse:

"He is jealous for me. Loves like a hurricane, I am the tree. Bending beneath the weight of His wind and mercy."

He wants more for me than I could EVER possibly want for myself... have you ever thought about how much that is?! We humans want a lot in life but wonder if we'll ever attain it. God wants WAY MORE! Is that incredible?! More than we could possibly imagine. God wants more for me than even my mother... and that's saying a lot.

He loves us. Plain and simple. He loves us. 

Think about that... then start planning on what you can do to make your life live up to how amazing His love is for you.

"Why don't I have ____?"      

                                                                  "Why can't I get ____?"
            "I'd be so much happier if ____?"

Ever catch yourself asking these questions of yourself? I finally quit... and guess who is happier than ever before? Me.

So many people think that if they had more, they would be better off. The grass is always greener. If you are single, you wonder what it's like to be married. If you're married, you wonder why you made that decision. If you don't have kids, you yearn for them. If you do have kids, you're happy to give them up for a night off. If you're in an unhappy job, you know you'd be happier working for yourself. If you work for yourself, you wish for the days of a steady paycheck. Greener... but is it?

At the beginning of this year, I set a goal of intentionality. I didn't do a New Year's resolution. No "I'll eat less and run more". No "I'll walk the dogs more." No "I'll take more time off." Just a goal of being intentional with everything I do because no one else was going to live my life better than me. 7.5 months later, I see the fruits of my intentional intentionality... and every day it's clearer.

No more worrying. When I set this goal, it was to put full faith that God had given me the tools and the strength to be a success. I finally started leaning on Him and with that I had to stop worrying about everything. Money, relationships, work, family, everyday details... Once I stopped, I was able to focus on what He really wanted for me - my best life. A life that was in place to help others accomplish and live their own.

I love my life. My friends, my family, my job, my coworkers, my clients, my dogs, my home, my office, my body, my goals, my everything. Nothing is perfect but man, I really love where I am a month from 31. I am happy, I am healthy, I'm in the best shape of my life, I'm a successful entrepreneur, I travel, I am full of faith... it's all coming together.

Being intentional about who is in my life, what I do with my days, and how I find peaceful rest each night knowing I'm living my best life is how I am able to just be happy.

Are you happy? How are you intentional about your life?

Last year I hosted a series called I Can't Cook & So Can You. We got a ton of great recipes that were quick and easy thanks to all the helpful people who submitted posts.

Now while doing the #4weekdetox, I've found that I eat a lot more fruit and snack on bad things a lot less but am really craving vegetables. I know I need them in my diet but I hate the taste of most of them. Force-feeding isn't helping so I am looking for some great summer recipes that are easy. 

Do you have a favorite summer recipe that's quick, easy and healthy? It has to be veggie-heavy. Send it over and help me figure out how to eat healthier without choking on broccoli. Now that I've got a fridge & freezer packed with healthy ingredients, I've decided to start writing about what I make. I honestly hate cooking. I haven't found a blog about a cook who hates cooking, only those who love it but want to teach others how to do it. I don't want to teach anyone, I just want to share my trials & errors with you all so if you want something simple to cook, here you go.

Submit Your Recipe

Did you find a great veggie recipe (or accidentally make one up) that you want to share? Send it to me! Submit your info on my contact form & I'll email you my contact info so you can send me your post, recipe & link (if you have one) for your website/blog. I'd love to share it!

Can't wait to start getting other recipes!

 Melanie, The Simple 'Cook'

by Mia Rommel, @MRommel

Ever have a week feel like it took a lot longer? Well, my first 5 days on the 4 Week Detox certainly felt like a lot longer than 5 days, or even a week. But, conversely, how I feel today (my day 7), is the way I usually feel about a month into serious dieting. I feel slimmer, leaner, and overall healthier. I can't imagine how I'll feel in another week, much less 3.

I've found that the hardest thing to do in a detox is to pre-prepare food and to think about what I'm eating. I think most of us probably eat what's available, what we *want* at that exact moment (cravings!), or what's served to us. I found myself constantly wondering when I'd last thought about food this much. It's sort of embarrassing, really. Shouldn't we be thinking about what it is that we put into our bodies? I spend more time thinking about fueling my car (well, really about how I'm going to afford to fuel my car) than I do about how to fuel my body.

The great thing about this detox is that it's forced me to focus on what I put into my body. I've been drinking a lot more water and eating a ton of fruit and vegetables. I've experimented with quinoa like you wouldn't believe (I'll post a recipe on my blog that will blow your mind), and stayed away from alcohol.

I have been battling my share of cravings: pizza (or anything with melted cheese, I would have done illegal things for a quesadilla this week), chocolate (which I normally never crave), and diet coke (sparkling water helped cut that one back a bit); but I feel a lot more in control of what I eat, instead of letting what I eat control me.

If you decide to do a detox, a few things I'd recommend:

1. Set simple rules. I once tried to do a cleanse where I didn't eat processed food. I had no idea what counted as processed and what didn't, so I wound up eating fruits and vegetables and lean proteins. And while that's great, I was really lacking carbs, which I need as a runner. Our detox rules are easy to follow because they're simple. 
2. Have snack foods available that battle cravings. Always need chocolate after dinner? Make sure raspberries are washed and in the fridge. Afternoon salt craving? Hummus and wasa crackers. You get the picture. 
3. Eat breakfast. I was guilty of not doing this one, even after my nutritionist told me it was terrible for me. Now I just chop up the fruit the night before so I can make a smoothie in less than 2 minutes and drink it while I'm getting ready. 
4. Water water everywhere. Strategically place water bottles where you'll use them the most. I have one at my work desk and another at home that I just tote around with me. It's a lot easier to mindlessly drink water if it's already there.

 More next week. 

It's been a week & I'm still alive.

I've written before about my body image. I've told you all how much I hate my body… I still do and not because I'm trying to get any of you to say otherwise. It's my issue, not yours. I know I'm thin, I just hate my curves and bumps and love handles. My middle has been a source of disdain for the last 7 years and I've done everything in my power to make it go away… or so I thought.

A week ago I realized that two things were happening. 1. My middle area was not getting smaller no matter how much I worked out. 2. My intestines hated me almost every day. 

Why did I pick these?

I'd talked about doing a detox but couldn't figure out how to do it so I just kept putting it off. Knowing that I'm probably allergic to some of the foods I'm eating I decided to give up the 2 things most people have problems with: wheat & dairy. I also noticed that my sleeping patterns were all messed up and it was a crazy cycle of drinking caffeine every day then not sleeping because I'm naturally caffeinated as it is. Then because I didn't sleep, I'd need caffeine. Processed sugar & fried foods are just bad. End of that story. Alcohol became an issue when I realized that I was working way too much & felt the need to drink on my couch at home while I was working to make it not feel so stressful. I was drinking 4+ days a week and that also didn't help with my sleep habits and caused me not to want to go running. Now do you see?

First Week Report:

Aside from accidentally ordering ginger ale last night out of habit while out for a friend's birthday instead of my usual rum & ginger ale, I've stuck to the plan since last Sunday morning. 7 straight days.

• Wheat: easy-peasy. I don't eat a lot of wheat as it is. I don't plan on adding much back into my diet after this is over.
• Dairy:  isn't too bad since I'm not eating cereal or drinking coffee. I believe I'll be eating the giant container of Greek yogurt in my fridge this week though since it's too expensive to waste. 
• Sugar: The hardest of all of the list. I want a cookie or something sweet after lunch/dinner and have SUCH a hard time breaking this habit. I didn't realize how bad it was until I gave it up and didn't give in. I'm a sugar-lush! Fruits have helped replace this but nothing is as delicious as a fresh baked chocolate chip cookie… !! 
• Fried food: I do crave a big bowl of french fries but I have sweet potatoes that I may bake instead. I'm removing this from my diet wholly. No more fried foods ever.
• Caffeine: The first few days were really tough. I went to work exhausted. Later in the week I realized I was sleeping better, feeling more alert longer and ended the week wide awake. This is something I'll be giving up for good.
• Alcohol: This has been tough. I spent the entire first 6 days with just water. Nothing else. Yesterday I made a mocktail of 100% blueberry & pomegranate juice with seltzer water to help me through the craving.

Having friends support me and go through this with has been an amazing experience. It's been really rough but my whole being feels better and it's prompted me to hit my workout regimen much harder than normal. I'm heading into my 30's (31 shortly!) and want to make sure I hit them with a rock solid, hardcore body. Inside AND out.

Keep track of all of us & what we're eating at melaniespring.com/4-week-detox or #4weekdetox

Happy & healthy eating! 
Melanie

As a Christian, I've heard the words 'garbage in, garbage out' most of my life. Usually it was a pastor or a mother telling us as youth that the music we listened to or books we read or people we hung out with are going to cause destruction in our lives. Since most of us as kids don't listen to the people who tell us 'no,' I felt I could do what I wanted without worry of consequences. I was my own person and knew who I could hang out with, what I could listen to, what I could read and how I was going to act without their influences. Sometimes our elders are right... 

music
Music has always been one of my top passions. I love going to concerts, I have to have music playing all day, I wake up to music, I sing at church every week as the Music Director, I just love music. All styles, all types, all kinds, doesn't matter. I love dance music, heavy beats, stuff that makes me want to jump around. Mainstream music has been becoming more overtly sexual with every new song that comes out. I catch myself singing the words and realize it says nothing about who I am or what I believe in. It actually says the opposite and many times it's repulsive.

I've been listening to Christian radio over the years but found Air1 and XM's The Message along with the local station 91.9FM to be the contemporary Christian rock stations that had a great message AND a great beat. I never got into gospel or traditional church music (hymns and things) but with the upbeat, positive message of these stations I was able to get my music fix while not worrying about the words coming out of my mouth. 

Don't get me wrong... I still listen to mainstream music and there's a lot of great stuff but sometimes I don't 'feel like a plastic bag floating through the wind.' I feel like I'm being lifted up and I'd rather have those words stuck in my head.

food
Recently I've been noticing that all the working out I've been doing hasn't been helping me as much as I expected. My legs and arms are getting toned but my middle isn't. There are muscles under there but a nice layer of fat has formed causing them not to show. This theory applies even to my body. When I eat a box of Girl Scout cookies and go for a run, it's not going to help with what I really want it to. The garbage I put into my body causes me to see where it's going while the positive things I'm doing for myself can't seem to balance it out. Everyone says that it's 80% how you eat and 20% how you work out.

I'm putting myself on a strict low carb, low sugar diet to help myself curb my cravings for sugar. At 30 without children, I should be able to keep myself lean and healthy but if I keep stuffing confections and pizza down my throat, I'll just keep finding that my muffin-top is getting bigger.

words
I may be a Christian but I've always had the mouth of a sailor. I'm not sure if it was because I was being rebellious due to the fact that we weren't even aloud to say 'awesome' growing up (because only God is awesome) but I definitely felt like I fit into who I hung out with by dropping the f* bomb without even thinking about it. 

For Lent this year, I gave up swearing. Teresa told me a story about a kid in college she knew who touted that his father was a Christian but that he swore because nothing in the Bible said he couldn't. Teresa's response was: You're right but it's terribly disrespectful to the people around you. No more nasty, foul words.  

people
I am a very social person and a connector of people. I love meeting people and making them part of my social circle. Not long ago I realized that I was being overly friendly and just letting anyone who wanted to be a part of my life... not just as an acquaintance but as a friend. Some of those people pushed my bad habits to the max and I found myself doing things I wasn't proud of. No one made me do anything I didn't want to do but they reinforced the things I shouldn't be doing. Slowly I noticed they started weeding themselves out of my life and now my close friends are people who help me grow, not keep me heading down a destructive path.

At work I noticed that when I allowed certain people to be my clients I was angry more often than if I worked with the people who gave me a positive feeling. Those frustrating clients caused me to say and do things I normally wouldn't do and brought my entire attitude down. Thankfully I've been learning how to spot them recently and clear them out before they become my nightmare. 

Overall, my mother and my youth pastor were right. If you hang out with people who are rude to others, you'll find that you're being rude to others too. If you listen to music that doesn't send the message you want your life to show, you'll find it's the soundtrack of your life. If you eat unhealthy, you'll find that you can't fit into your jeans. If you say disrespectful things, your mother will end up hanging up on you.

Time to clear it out and clean it up. I'm on a mission. Now it's your turn. 

I've recently discovered just how human I am.

This past week I helped organize a group we ended up calling #MetroCarols. Our intentions were pure, our excitement for the holiday was intense and we love to sing. Cheering up the curmudgeons of the DC area on their miserable commute home was our plan & singing Christmas/holiday carols was what we thought would be best. Plan: Organize a flashmob that just happened to break out in carols randomly in metro stations.

Once word went out, my cohort & I realized that we had a much bigger sphere of influence, especially together, than we had any idea. The press & bloggers caught on and we had 150 people sign up. Things got out of control, he did an interview with the Examiner & once the press started posting articles about our plans, metro riders commented with a vengeance. After hearing about stun-guns, their wanting to punch us or push us off platforms, we took our plans off the public Facebook invitation so that we didn't end up doing what they accused us of: ruining their commute. 

By Monday, we had done some behind-the-scenes practicing with the trustworthy NPR & WUSA around to listen in & passed around our plan for where we were going that evening. At 11:30am, TBD & WashFM posted our PRIVATE schedule on their websites for all to see. Tears flooded my eyes and I realized that things had gotten out of hand. Although I was publicly accused of being ridiculous, I was honestly only afraid that if anyone was hurt due to the angry Metro riders showing up just to spite us, I would be left responsible for the tragedy. My humanity hit hard.

I called my cohort with overwhelming amounts of worry and told him I wanted to go home and cry myself to sleep. He had no intentions of backing down and satiated my worry by telling me that I needed to just come enjoy it in the spirit that we had planned in the first place - to spread cheer to commuters.

In a final change of plans so as not to allow anyone to get hurt, we moved to Dupont Circle, press surrounding us, as a group of 30 carolers, and sang joyfully with smiles & chills. The cold air caused us to sing Let It Snow & snowflakes started falling in a beautiful coincidence. Our joy was passed on to those leaving work that chilly Monday evening & DC commuters smiled at us as we moved closer to the Dupont escalator to sing a few more songs without impeding their rush home.

My smile got brighter the more we sang, our group gained momentum and carolers and we ended up singing the 12 Days of DC up and down the escalator & other carols into the Dupont station. After boarding a train & heading to Union Station, we started singing again & stood in a group caroling while people walked past with smiles & joy clearly showing on their faces.

Final outcome: Although my humanity almost got the best of me, we accomplished our main intentions - spread holiday cheer & make people smile - except with full press coverage.

PRESS & VIDEOS:

Check out what they wrote & said about us along with hearing us sing:

GREAT piece by NPR's Nate Rott

WUSA (Channel 9, CBS) coverage with videos of our rehearsal and of the event

Washington Post edited video:



Washington Post video on YouTube:


Washington Post article

Washington Post "Dr. Gridlock" blog about Metro

WeLoveDC's article

Waxing Unlyrical's article by Shonali Burke

When I was born, the first child in my family, my dad had only recently become a born again Christian. He was gung-ho for God and his faith is the reason I am still growing daily as a Christian. He has never let his faith waver in that God will take care of him and his family. Dad made such an impact on my faith. And I want to share more with you on my family's faith journey and also an incredible tithing story from the book "Crazy Love."

Growing up in WNY in one of the poorest counties in the whole state, we didn't have money. 6 people, 1 income, no more than $20,000/year for all of us to survive on and somehow we managed. My parents gave us each an allowance. 50cents a week. 35 to keep, 10 to save and 5 to tithe. I still appreciate my parents for how they taught us to spend, save and tithe.

I vividly remember Sundays when the offering plate was passed. No matter how much we didn't have, my dad always had a wad of bills to drop in that plate. I noticed that other families didn't put anything in the plate and wondered why my dad was different. When I was in my teens, I asked him why he gave so much to the church. He told me that God had asked him to and that because he was faithful, God would take care of us.

No one in my family had health insurance growing up until NY State passed a law that low income kids under 19 could have free health insurance. That happened when I was 17. With 4 kids to raise, my parents had complete faith that God would take care of them. Not once did something happen to any of us that caused my parents to worry about money. Oh sure, they worried, but they knew God would be there to listen. 

God listened and told our church that we didn't have money for groceries when my mother was too proud to even whisper that truth - grocery bags filled our porch without a note the morning my mother walked out our front door to go apply for welfare. The day the rent was due and we didn't have the money for it, God told someone to put cash in an envelope and leave it in our mailbox. No one knew we didn't have the money but God made sure to take care of us.

When I got older and established myself in a church, I would give halfheartedly and not because I wanted to, only because 'God told me to.' I didn't give because I felt called to or that there was something to give for... I wasn't even sure if the church would spend 'my money' the way I thought was best. I heard a song on the Christian station the other day that reminded me of myself back then. The lyrics say: I try to stay awake during Sunday morning church, I throw a twenty in the plate, but I never give ’til it hurts.

As most of you know, last April I lost my job and decided to restart my business instead of finding another job. Shortly after that happened, a friend gave me the book "Crazy Love" by Francis Chan. It's a book about God's crazy, relentless, all powerful love for us. There was a part of that book that talked about tithing and told a story of a man who lost his job and although he really wanted to keep giving the church what he had been, he didn't know if he could since he didn't have that income. He did a lot of praying and decided that instead of giving what he had been giving, he would give double and put his faith fully in God. 

Obviously that struck home with me. I had just lost my job, knew that I wasn't going to be able to pay myself any sort of salary from May to December due to taxes and the fact that growing a business doesn't happen overnight - I had no idea what I was going to do. I loved my church, this church... and knew I needed to keep giving, not just of my time but of all the resources God gave me. I decided to take a huge leap of faith and be like the man in Crazy Love... and like my dad. I started tithing double what I had been tithing before I lost my income. 

Yes, it might seem crazy to you for anyone to do that… and you're right, but I had to eat, keep a roof over my head and forge ahead with this new business while still paying all the bills. It takes full faith to do something like that and I wanted to know what that faith felt like.

When I did an assessment of last year's finances, I found that I had given 60% of my overall income to the church or other charities throughout the year... without anything more than my business just paying my living expenses from May to December. I never once went hungry, I didn't lose my apartment, my dog didn't die because I couldn't feed him, I had everything I could have needed and more. How? God took care of me. Little miracles. Teresa even had a chance to observe God’s gifts as they emerged.

Teresa saw the IRS put unexpected money into my checking account JUST when I wasn't able to buy groceries and gas. She saw my friends taking care of me. She saw the forgotten $3,000 from my retirement fund come through and pay employees when they needed it. She saw people remove themselves from my life and my business without the burden of unemployment.

God takes care of us... if we let Him. I am living proof. If you want that faith, the faith that you know God will take care of you, you have to trust Him and know that whatever you do ends up giving to His work and will go to exactly what is needed most. So I invite us to take a few minutes now and envision all that we are thankful for… and all our needs that have been met. With these gifts in clear view, how can we ‘throw a $20 in the plate but never give til it hurts?’

I love this church, you love this church; we’ve made it our home. Tithing isn’t about obligation, it’s about supporting the community we’ve built here. Don’t give because you feel like you have to, give because you know God is faithful to you and the rest of us.

--

Originally given as a talk at Church in Bethesda to the faith community during worship service. Huge thanks to Jill Foster for reviewing & providing me with incredible feedback. 

by Courtney

Of All the Things I Love...

...my body isn't one of them.

I love pearls, and my vintage Montblanc pen. I love Louis Vuitton, especially the Damier Azure Speedy 35 I haven't put down since the day I bought it. I love high-waist pencil skirts and silk blouses. And there's nothing I would rather be wearing than a pair of 4 inch heels.

Don't get me wrong, I used to love my body. It was, at one point in the not to distant past, pretty darn great. It wasn't awesomely amazing, but it was better than most. I worked out pretty often. I ate some pretty healthy food and some pretty crappy food. I did pilates, and Zumba. And even though I hated it, I ran long (ok not that long, but long enough) distances. I rowed, (the machine, not a real boat). And my goal was nice abs.

Then some guy backed into me with a car. One year, an x-ray and an MRI, three steroids (including two spinal injections), ten prescriptions, and countless physical therapy sessions later, I'm still in pain and I've gained a ton of weight.

I don't know if you've ever tried to work out with severe back pain, but I have. I promise, its not fun. Every step I take hurts and reminds me of how much I took for granted before. Before, I complained about running; now I'd give anything to be able to do it and not feel like death is a more preferable option.

Now, I eat air. I eat food too, but after I'm done I feel like I might as well have eaten air. That's what salad and fruit do to you. They make you feel like you're starving. Sometimes I eat pizza or Chinese food for dinner. But that's what happens when: a) you live with a man; and b) you have a 2 hour commute.

Today, the third specialist I've seen finally figured out what's wrong with me. There's something going on with my sciatic nerve. Finally, they can fix me. I'm happy, but at the same time I'm a bit scared. I can't wait to be fixed so that it doesn't hurt to walk for 10 minutes. But then comes the hard work: losing the 25 pounds I've gained over the last year. On the one hand its pretty great because I might be able to lose weight and stop hating my body. On the other hand, I might not be able to and I'll hate it even more.

by Jennifer

My name is Jennifer. I also hate my body.

That is, I hate my body until I REMEMBER.

Let me explain… I’m at this fragile state in my life. My self esteem seems to always be on a precipice. I am a 38 year old woman who’s body is beginning to betray her by falling apart. Grey hair has begun to make an entrance. Wrinkles now appear. And cellulite? Oh yeah. It is there. It is SO there.

I’ve struggled with body image issues since the age of 12. That is the year I first got my period and very rapidly grew breasts. (Much to the excitement of every middle school boy and to the chagrin of every middle school girl.) Sad to say but from that point on I was painfully aware of every female inadequacy that I possessed. Isn’t that sad?

I can count on one hand the number of times in my life where I felt confident and comfortable in my own skin. My body has never fit into society’s ideal image. And I have been keenly aware of that fact all of my life. It seems I have always been ill at ease with this body.

That is, until I remember what this body is capable of.

· This body has miraculously and safely birthed two healthy babies. It didn’t let me down. It is strong.

· This body has resisted major diseases and illnesses and way too many all-nighters. It is steadfast.

· This body has endured two marathons, countless half-marathons and one ridiculous 182 mile relay. It endures.

My body is not perfect. I am not anywhere near where I want to be. Intellectually I know that I am a beautiful, healthy, intelligent woman but in my mind’s eye, well, let’s just say there is a disconnect.

The challenge for me then is to not allow my body, my insecurities and my appearance become idols that take the place of God. It is when we remember the bigger picture and live a life of worship, putting God first, that there is freedom, joy, and peace.

Peace.

Being at peace with your body. Isn’t that a novel thought?

Just like with other aspects of life, when I lose sight of what my body was truly built for and instead focus on what society dictates, I become shackled to neurosis and chained to insecurity.

When I remember what this body is capable of and what it's greater purpose is, I gain a new perspective and I live free.

Watching little girls run through a sprinkler on a hot summer day in adorable pink bathing suits with no shame makes me shameful.

Hi, my name is Melanie. I hate my body.

Growing up, I was always much taller than the other kids… and much thinner. This was terrifying in high school because I was just awkward and… too tall. I was so skinny that in 6th grade, I had already hit 6' tall but hadn't yet hit 100lbs. Models are that size - makes me sick. I couldn't gain weight.

I noticed that even after college I got a little more curvy but stayed thin. You would think I'd start loving the body I was blessed with but I struggled with it. I wanted what I didn't have, like so many women. I wanted curves, I wanted to be short, I wanted muscles, I wanted boobs - all things I couldn't seem to get, no matter what I did. Looking back, there were so many women that would have wanted my body especially since I didn't have to work at it.

When I was 25, I was a size 6, had been building muscle, was doing the Abs Diet to teach myself how to eat healthy. Out of nowhere, I started feeling terrible pain and was diagnosed with a stress disorder that, I was told, was only held at bay by eating foods that were not touched by the sun. Because I had been eating so healthy, it was triggered along with the stress I was under. This meant no wheat, soy, most fruit or veggies, no chocolate or peanut butter, nothing healthy… nothing. I put on 20 lbs in 6mo and started hiding my body. At 27, I was up to 165 and felt terrible every day. I lost all my energy and just got into a continuous cycle. Few people noticed the weight gain since 20 lbs spreads out on a 6' frame but I could feel it. Sitting down, wearing jeans, putting on anything remotely tight was just torture. I hid inside myself and just stopped caring.

In early 2008, I caught a running bug. I felt better, little by little. I lost weight quickly and reduced my stress greatly. Races & goals were set, training and pushing my limits allowed me to see what I could do. Every time I hit a goal, I would feel strong and confident. My clothes stopped being loose and started showing the results of my athleticism. I projected the confidence that I so badly wanted. They say that if we exude confidence in ourselves, others will want to be close to us. My body confidence is and always has been an act.

Hi, my name is Melanie. I hate my body.

I am 6' tall, 152lbs, getting harder, tighter and stronger by the week. I am training for a half marathon that happens to be the day before my 30th birthday and the only reason I'm doing it is so I can look back at pictures of myself at 30 and say that I looked damn good. I am doing it for all the wrong reasons.

Every week I see more results from the 5+ days a week I'm either pounding a trail or hitting the gym. I see my shoulders getting tighter, I hear compliments on how much better I look, I feel the confidence I never had before because I was either too skinny or too fat for what I wanted to be.

All I see in the mirror are all the things I need to fix. My stomach, my love handles, the dimpled fat on the back of my legs, the backfat hanging over my bra, the things that NO one else will ever notice. I don't look at how I've strengthened my legs, I just see what I need to improve. I don't look at how I lack the double chin I had, I see that I have it when I smile too hard in pictures. I don't look at how strong my arms are getting, I just see the fat on the back of them that I need to lose. Every day I think about how I should be on a stricter diet, how I shouldn't drink because of the calories, how I shouldn't eat snacks because they're unhealthy. I am in an unending cycle and can't seem to get out of it.

Hi, my name is Melanie. I hate my body.

My entire life, I've felt like I needed someone to tell me I'm beautiful so I could feel beautiful. I don't have the pain of having parents who didn't tell me - they did! They still do. I am the critical woman in the mirror. I know I am strong-willed - I'm a business owner. I know I have what it takes to make things happen - I connect people every day. I know that I have confidence - I speak at impromptu events where people need to learn from me. I am a strong, incredible woman with a lot to offer… yet I can't seem to figure out how to run without the narcissistic reasoning.

I am changing my way of thinking - just by saying this to whoever is reading. My new goal is to hit the gym & run, not to look better naked or in my bathroom mirror, but to find the confidence in my body that I am so greatly lacking. Not to be thinner, not to lose weight, but to be more disciplined. I am also realizing that my discipline will need to carry over into the other parts of my life… but more on that next time.

If you take anything from this, realize that you are an incredible woman. No matter what you've been told, no matter what you think about yourself. You are what God made you to be and if you're living that 'you', you're exactly what you should be. Love it. Once you love yourself, others will want to be close to you.

Hi, my name is Melanie. I will start loving my body.

I write a lot about relationships - friends, love, family, God, and work. Life has us wrapped up in relationships, most of which are good but some are not the ones we should have. My life has consisted of lots of incredible friendships, hard family relationships, a back-and-forth God relationship, good and bad work relationships and terrible love relationships for the most part.

My dear friend, Diana, told me that I need to let go of the bad relationships and move forward in my incredible ones so I can find the peace I need inside myself. This is such a big struggle in my life. I tend to reach out for the relationships I shouldn't have because they are a challenge and I like to fix things. I end up getting hurt badly by them but go back again and again. I have too many of these relationships in my life right now and can't find a way to walk away from them.

I keep a little devotional book on my desk at the office called Hope for Each Day by Billy Graham. It's a short verse with a 1-page devotional, quick and easy. This morning I walked into my office with a headache, miserable at myself for not going running and had to deal with a lazy employee which just ended up making me really angry. I was also thinking about relationships I have in my life right now that I know I need to walk away from.

The devotion for today reminded me that God knows everything and puts things in our way to show us He's really there. It reads:

Accept God's Freedom
Draw near to God and He will draw near to you.  James 4:8

One day a little child was playing with a valuable vase. He put his hand into it and could not take it out. His father, too, tried his best to get the little boy's hand out. but all in vain. They were thinking of breaking the vase whtn the father said, "Now, my song, make one more try. Open your hand and hold your fingers out straight as you see me doing and then pull."

To the father's astonishment the little fellow said, "Oh no, Daddy. I couldn't put my fingers out like that because if I did I would drop my penny."

Smile if you will - but thousands of us are like that little boy, so busy holding on to the world's worthless trifes that we cannot accept God's freedom.

What "trifle" is keeping you from God? A sin you won't let go of? An unworthy goal you are determined to reach? A dishonorable relationship you won't give up? I beg you to drop that trifle in your heart. Surrender! Let go and let God have His way with your life.

I believe that God is in charge and really knows my pain and misery in these. I do have relationships that are sinful, dishonorable and painful. They cause me hurt and headaches and I need to let go of them so I can move forward in the way God has asked me to.

What relationships are you still holding onto that you should let go of? Take it to Him and ask Him to help you remove them. I'll try to do it first and let you know how it goes.

A local radio announcer had a 'positive tip of the day' a few weeks ago:  "Your private life says more about you than your public life." It really got me thinking about the things in my life that are private, things I would hate for others to find out about.

One of my dear friends, Rashmee, passed away suddenly recently. She was here, then she wasn't. Gone without warning. Her little light left this world and a mark on all of us left behind. She was such a darling young woman who gave so much to the people around her. Her life was marked by having so many people who loved her. When she died, I started thinking about everything she left behind unfinished or hidden. Did she have things she hoped no one would find? It wasn't her time to go. Did she have relationships, emails, pictures, things that she didn't expect anyone to ever see? I doubt it. She lived in a clean life with clean friends and a loving family. She had nothing to complete, just a lot of living to do.

My life has come under serious scrutiny by myself. Looking at every aspect of who I am, what I am, where I am, what I have, everything - has really made me stop and think about where I am going. If I died today, would people find things they didn't know about me? What would they think of me? Would their perception of me change?

God asks us as Christians to live our lives in accordance to His gospel - to walk as Christians in all aspects of our lives. Rules for Practical Christian Living is found in Ephesians 5.

Be careful how you walk, not as unwise men but as wise, making the most of your time, because the days are evil. So then do not be foolish, but understand what the will of the Lord is.

And do not get drunk with wine, for that is dissipation, but be filled with the Spirit, speaking to one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing and making melody with your heart to the Lord; always giving thanks for all things in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ to God, even the Father; and be subject to one another in the fear of Christ. - Ephesians 5:15-21

Being a Christian and walking in His light, without losing our inhibitions or who we are as true Christians, is all He asks. 'Do not get drunk with wine' is not just warning against drunkenness, it's telling us that when we get drunk we lose our discernment and act in ways we wouldn't if we weren't drunk. Excessive anything is not living the way He has asked us.

Walking on a straight and narrow path allows us to face the right direction, continuing along in the way we are supposed to and in every aspect of our lives. It doesn't just ask us to be public figures as Christians, but also in our private lives. Recently I've been hearing a Christian artist say that it's easy for us to confess our sins to God but it's not easy to tell others of our indiscretions. We should tell those around us about what we've done so we can have more desire to change our sinful ways.

Think about the skeletons in your closet, the things you want to get off your chest, the things you have hidden in drawers or boxes so no one finds them... all the things someone might find out if you died suddenly. Are you prepared to leave behind the memories of who you are and what you have? Think about it and start cleaning out your life. I'm cleaning mine out. As much as I am a Christian that doesn't mean I have nothing to hide. Why would I want people to know about the sinful person I am?

Thank you, my dear little Rashmee, for making things more clear in my life. Thank you, my heavenly Father, for listening to my sins and forgiving me for them. Thank you, my friends, for listening and supporting me through all of life's changes and decisions. Now it's time to make it happen.

I am constantly surprised at the vastness of God’s love for me.

About 18 months ago I decided I wanted a solid group of Christian women in my life so I started a monthly women’s bible study at my church. The group now has 30 people with at least 10 people in attendance every month. This month has been especially hard for a lot of us and our study was about encouraging ourselves in the Lord based on Psalm 6. David had many tough times where he felt God had left him only to find He was right there the whole time.

One year ago on May 1 I started working for myself full-time again. I had a laptop, my old job’s promise of referrals and my God-given talents at networking. God has provided so much over the last 12 months – an office, many incredible clients, steadfast friendships, mentors, employees, and so much more. There have been valleys and mountains and I feel like I’ve accomplished so much for having started with nothing. But right now I feel like the biggest failure.

There are so many doubts, so many fears… and the knots in my stomach just keep growing. I don’t know what to do about all of it. The doubt ebbs and flows as does the worry. It’s hard to talk to anyone about it because I feel like I’m falling apart but then I say something to another entrepreneur and they give me that knowing look. Every one of them has been through exactly what I’m going through. “Been there, done that, still wear the t-shirt.”

Entrepreneur for life – that’s me. I will never work for a boss again but I’ve realized that the boss I do have is the most powerful, most successful, most driven boss anyone could have. He holds me when I feel like the world has left me standing in the storm alone. I doubt God is taking care of me but He’s got bigger plans than I can even think of.

At the bible study on Monday I let it all out – all the fears, the tears and the worry. The reception I received and love I felt was astounding. I felt they took my worry and cast it to the sky so God could dissipate it for me. The next morning I walked out my door to find a plate of homemade brownies with a poncho that said ‘so you can dance in the rain’ – the dear girl who has a life full of worry was able to give me a sense of hope and love. This group I started so many months ago has given me back way more than I could ever give them.

The song ‘Your Hands’ by JJ Heller keeps playing on my radio – the words flow through me like God is pouring Himself into me. At the study someone said ‘we have to pour ourselves out so God can pour Himself in.’

“When my world is shaking heaven stands.” This is a daily reminder of God’s love.

--

Your Hands – JJ Heller

I have unanswered prayers
I have trouble I wish wasn't there
And I have asked a thousand ways
That You would take my pain away

I am trying to understand
How to walk this weary land
Make straight the paths that crookedly lie
Oh Lord, before these feet of mine

When my world is shaking
Heaven stands
When my heart is breaking
I never leave Your hands

When You walked upon the Earth
You healed the broken, lost, and hurt
I know You hate to see me cry
One day You will set all things right

When my world is shaking
Heaven stands
When my heart is breaking
I never leave Your hands

Your hands
Your hands that shape the world
Are holding me, they hold me still