Written for CityGirlsWorld.com

While enjoying a weekend away in Western NY, I glanced at the paper to see that, not far away in Seneca Falls, there was a celebration of Susan B. Anthony and the women’s suffrage movement. The next day, my mother and I just happened to drive by the movie theatre and made a last minute decision to see The Help. Both of these struck a deep chord with me.

Growing up as the oldest of four children whose parents were only 20 years older than myself, I was raised in a time where girls were expected to go to college after high school. Being from the country, I found that most girls my age weren’t finishing more than a year or two before becoming wives and mothers and spending their days at home. Although my mother was one of those high school graduates turned wife and mother, she was the voice that told me it wasn’t necessary to find a man and have children. A career should be my focus, not someone else.

Looking back to the early 1900’s when women’s suffrage was at its height, we see women who turned against the grain and fought for our rights, careers, choices, and futures. These women were different from those of their time because they were single (gasp!) and didn’t do what was expected of them. Moving forward to the 1960’s era of housewives depicted in The Help, we see women who went to college to get their “Mrs.” degree. They chose men who could take care of them & hired maids to take care of their children, cooking and cleaning while they played Bridge and setup charity events. Their education became useless.

Now we see women taking on corporate executive positions and leading non-profits instead of being someone’s Gal Friday. Women are taking bigger entrepreneurial risks and leading the way for the younger generations to prove that we can do more with less. We’re getting seats at the table now, but asLeslie Bradshaw asks “is that really enough?” Studies are showing that many women leave work before they leave work. Most of the time it’s due to getting married and planning for children. They don’t ask for raises or promotions because they plan to leave the workforce to stay at home with their future little ones. And then women complain that we’re not getting paid or treated equally.

Finding myself looking at my 30’s with great excitement for what’s to come, I see a woman not unlike the main character, Skeeter, in The Help. A young woman wanting to change the world, wanting to find her space by helping others. This gumption-filled character who went outside the confines of ‘normal’ and proved herself by taking a stand for others. She is someone to look up to, to become more like, to be humbled by. She’s the woman I want my nieces and nephews to look up to and my parents to be proud of.

About 10 years ago my mom had a conversation with a friend of hers who was single, 35 and waiting. She hadn’t even bought towels because she thought you had to be married to get towels as a wedding gift. My mom told her she needed to go do things because she wanted to. So, she went to Honduras on a missions trip, bought a house, finally bought towels and became happy with her life. She’d always been waiting for someone to be happy with and realized her life was waiting for her instead.

As a woman who seems to have it all together, I wonder why this notion of ‘what’s next’ keeps me searching for a ’someone’. Why is the next step always marriage and/children? Why can’t a big career and amazing friends/family be enough? Why is there always the comment “Oh, you’re pretty. You’ll find someone.”?

 It may not be 1890 or 1960 but we still have the requirement of marriage surrounding us as women. We’re taught to be independent and to find ourselves but when will we stop being looked at like there’s something wrong with us if we choose to be alone. Our lives aren’t based on our careers, but the end game always seems to be settling down. I look at the lives of most married women and see them looking at my life with wonderment. I think I’ll just keep on keeping on and see where life takes me next instead of trying to fit a mold the women of the 20’s & 60’s tried to break for me.

by David, @dsklarin

There is a stigma regarding men talking about struggles with weight and healthy eating. I was hesitant to even write this post when Melanie requested that I guest-blog about the last few weeks. I believe that in life I can either save my ass or my face, usually not at the same time. So I choose to save my ass and to talk about it. I had let some friends know where I was at and that I could use some help. Asking for help also does not come easy for me. Here is my experience so far:

A funny thing happened a couple months ago...I found myself staring at myself in the mirror in the bathroom wondering what had happened. I now knew how my beloved Yankees must have felt after dropping 4 straight games to the evil Red Sox after being up 3-0 in the 2004 ALCS. I woke up and was genuinely horrified at what I saw. I was a fat guy again. How did this happen? Was this some nightmare that I couldn't wake up from?

See, a few years ago I was a REALLY big guy. Here is a picture of me with Aaron Boone (who hit the home run for my Yankees that knocked the aforementioned evil Red Sox out of the ALCS the year prior to the collapse of 2004). It wasn't so much that I was larger than life, I was UNHEALTHY. I grew up playing baseball and hockey and hiking. I was now sedentary...at a desk job, in a bad relationship and just unhappy in general. I hadn't even picked up my guitar or sang in over a year (if you know me at all you find this hard to believe right now).

On the way home from losing my job I received a call that my aunt had died. As I pulled up to my house there was a moving truck. My girlfriend was moving out and I was home early, having been laid off and all. BEST DAY EVER. That's not sarcasm, it's the truth. The job stunk, the relationship was not so great and my aunt was in a lot of pain. Jimmy Needham sings a song called "Hurricane" where he asks that all of the unnecessary things in his life get swept away like in a hurricane so he can focus on what is really important. That is what that day was for me.

I started on the breakup diet, aka not feeling like eating. A funny thing happened though - I started eating right - cooking all of my meals, not eating processed flour or any sugar that didn't occur naturally. I started running. I was at the gym almost daily. I prayed before meals giving thanks for the continued motivation and ability to be a good steward of the body that I had been given.

A year later I was running 5 miles a couple times a week. Want a real fistpump at the Jersey Shore??? Run 5 miles on the sand as the sun is coming up. If you don't feel like pumping your fists at that kind of overwhelming beauty then I think you're crazier than...well, a Red Sox fan or something. I was lifting at 5am 5 times a week. Here's a pic from about that time with a friend and a horse that my family owns: I was healthy and loving life.

And then last September I switched companies and was behind a desk again. I started to skip a day here and there at the gym. Then two days once in awhile. I didn't eat as well on those days, as my body didn't crave the same types of nourishment. It was too cold to run was what I allowed myself to believe. Then before I knew it I hadn't been to the gym in months. By mid-May of this year I was up 40 lbs. HOW did this happen? HOW could I have let this happen.

Two choices at this point - give up, believing the lie that I would always fail at this and hence why even try...OR, get back on the horse, listening to the truth that a temporary setback was all this was, if I wanted it to be.

Melanie asked me to write how I feel after a few weeks of not eating crap (have you ever heard her say the word "crap" with that Western NY accent? it's cutely funny). There's not much to tell - I feel like I am not craving things that are killing me anymore. I have not dropped much weight...yet, however 4 weeks is just the beginning of a restart of what I began in May of 2009.

I didn't agree to be a part of this food detox for vanity - I love how healthy FEELS. I crave that again. I want to have a family - to grow old with someone I love, to see kids graduate, get married and have kids of their own. An unhealthy lifestyle is more than inconvenient, it is the surest way to miss out on these things. I actually love eating healthy, I love exercising and I love being a good steward of the resources that I have been given. I view the detox as a "reset" button... like those old Nintendo 8-bit systems had... when the game was crap, you could hit that button and start over... So thank you, Melanie, for helping me restart something that I love.

Keep up on the progress at: 4 Week Detox