Being in silent mode on a flight across the US with no constant email message and no one texting me, I'm required to think. My mind wandering from leading my company & inspiring my employees to organizing myself & finding more time with God in my hectic schedule to the one thing I can't stop thinking about no matter what else floats into my brain.

A man who is calling on God and being led to be with me. A man who already loves the woman I am from only two encounters over two weeks and countless conversations about the future.

Although the biggest thing on my mind has to be leading my team to success, I feel like there has to be a partner in all of this. My friends and coworkers are great. Even other colleagues and acquaintances are helpful but having that one cheerleader who always believes in you and truly cares about you is something I've truly missed.

Dave Ramsey keeps talking about spousal approval and says that a great spouse will always have your best interests at heart. I resent hearing that because my dogs are the closest thing I have to a spouse and they don't care what I do. Most relationships I've had have not been built on trust, prayer or safety and I know that all of those are needed to ensure success.

This man is showing me what a truly Godly man is and is proving that he can lead by showing me how God is working in his life AND mine. Being able to start at this place allows us to cheer for each other and not feel taken for a ride. With my craptastic relationship history, I am still skeptical and will be until I can feel God leading me also. His support while I am searching for God's voice is imperative and so clearly there.

Being able to sit back and feel his prayers going up for me when I am feeling scared, nervous or even thinking things I shouldn't, has been some of the most heartfelt love I've ever been touched by. My heart is fighting with my head and at this point, my strategic mind is winning. My heart bursts with the beginnings of love and excitement while my rational mind tells me to slow the hell down.

I keep thinking that this must just be how things are in his life but this is apparently SO different and new to him too. Balancing the last 14 years of decisions he's made without asking God first and this new life that he is basing solely on God's purpose has been so freeing for him.

My life has been free for a long time but my brain still tells me that it's trapped in the mistakes of my past. Too many questions, worry and skepticism. I find that I haven't fully placed this potential relationship on God's shoulders. I know this man is not manipulating me but my head doesn't wrap around that. He just knows that God's got a bigger life for him and is positive that it includes me.

How do you run from that?! Time to fully give it to God & let go of the past.

Walking through this I'm reminded of a song my dad and I used to sing when I was a kid:

"In His time, He makes all things beautiful, in His time. Lord, my life to you I bring and may each song be to you a lovely thing, in Your time."

Photo by: Patrick Onofre

Ever just sit back and wonder how much God loves us? Ever wish you could understand the love He has for us? I've been doing that the last two days. It almost feels like it's not even possible that anyone could ever love us that much.

Yesterday at church I sang a song called "How He Loves". I chose that song earlier in the week and felt like I absolutely had to do it. I have only heard it a few times and didn't know how to sing it very well but I led our congregation in this as a meditative song before Communion. I started realizing how terribly I was singing the verses and kept going back to the chorus... at first thinking that I should have practiced it more and wondering what people would think of how I was messing it up... 

Then I realized that I needed to focus on the chorus. It's so simple but it says:

"He loves us. Oh, how He loves us. Oh, how He loves us. Oh, how He loves." 

As soon as church was over I had the overwhelming feeling of not being able to draw in a full breath and not understanding why. I left as soon as the service was over and heard these words over and over in my head and started crying.

Today I got an email from a girlfriend who I had gone on a big trip with a few years ago. We were talking about how we'd been thinking about each other and she said she heard How He Loves Us at her church yesterday and was thinking of me since that was a song she introduced me to. I'm not sure that's just chance... God's in that. Right there in that. He knew I'd been thinking about this and made sure I knew someone else was thinking about me in this too.

I started thinking about the words of the first verse:

"He is jealous for me. Loves like a hurricane, I am the tree. Bending beneath the weight of His wind and mercy."

He wants more for me than I could EVER possibly want for myself... have you ever thought about how much that is?! We humans want a lot in life but wonder if we'll ever attain it. God wants WAY MORE! Is that incredible?! More than we could possibly imagine. God wants more for me than even my mother... and that's saying a lot.

He loves us. Plain and simple. He loves us. 

Think about that... then start planning on what you can do to make your life live up to how amazing His love is for you.

Written for CityGirlsWorld.com

While enjoying a weekend away in Western NY, I glanced at the paper to see that, not far away in Seneca Falls, there was a celebration of Susan B. Anthony and the women’s suffrage movement. The next day, my mother and I just happened to drive by the movie theatre and made a last minute decision to see The Help. Both of these struck a deep chord with me.

Growing up as the oldest of four children whose parents were only 20 years older than myself, I was raised in a time where girls were expected to go to college after high school. Being from the country, I found that most girls my age weren’t finishing more than a year or two before becoming wives and mothers and spending their days at home. Although my mother was one of those high school graduates turned wife and mother, she was the voice that told me it wasn’t necessary to find a man and have children. A career should be my focus, not someone else.

Looking back to the early 1900’s when women’s suffrage was at its height, we see women who turned against the grain and fought for our rights, careers, choices, and futures. These women were different from those of their time because they were single (gasp!) and didn’t do what was expected of them. Moving forward to the 1960’s era of housewives depicted in The Help, we see women who went to college to get their “Mrs.” degree. They chose men who could take care of them & hired maids to take care of their children, cooking and cleaning while they played Bridge and setup charity events. Their education became useless.

Now we see women taking on corporate executive positions and leading non-profits instead of being someone’s Gal Friday. Women are taking bigger entrepreneurial risks and leading the way for the younger generations to prove that we can do more with less. We’re getting seats at the table now, but asLeslie Bradshaw asks “is that really enough?” Studies are showing that many women leave work before they leave work. Most of the time it’s due to getting married and planning for children. They don’t ask for raises or promotions because they plan to leave the workforce to stay at home with their future little ones. And then women complain that we’re not getting paid or treated equally.

Finding myself looking at my 30’s with great excitement for what’s to come, I see a woman not unlike the main character, Skeeter, in The Help. A young woman wanting to change the world, wanting to find her space by helping others. This gumption-filled character who went outside the confines of ‘normal’ and proved herself by taking a stand for others. She is someone to look up to, to become more like, to be humbled by. She’s the woman I want my nieces and nephews to look up to and my parents to be proud of.

About 10 years ago my mom had a conversation with a friend of hers who was single, 35 and waiting. She hadn’t even bought towels because she thought you had to be married to get towels as a wedding gift. My mom told her she needed to go do things because she wanted to. So, she went to Honduras on a missions trip, bought a house, finally bought towels and became happy with her life. She’d always been waiting for someone to be happy with and realized her life was waiting for her instead.

As a woman who seems to have it all together, I wonder why this notion of ‘what’s next’ keeps me searching for a ’someone’. Why is the next step always marriage and/children? Why can’t a big career and amazing friends/family be enough? Why is there always the comment “Oh, you’re pretty. You’ll find someone.”?

 It may not be 1890 or 1960 but we still have the requirement of marriage surrounding us as women. We’re taught to be independent and to find ourselves but when will we stop being looked at like there’s something wrong with us if we choose to be alone. Our lives aren’t based on our careers, but the end game always seems to be settling down. I look at the lives of most married women and see them looking at my life with wonderment. I think I’ll just keep on keeping on and see where life takes me next instead of trying to fit a mold the women of the 20’s & 60’s tried to break for me.

As of 5pm today I will be going social media free for the weekend (until 8am Monday morning).

To many of you this statement doesn't seem like a big deal... but to me, it's going to be hard. ! I will be forgoing Twitter, Facebook and Instant Messaging so I can accomplish the productivity levels I have set for myself along with catching up on sleep and relaxation.

Thinking in Tweets Must Stop

I have taken bits of time off from my phone, my computer, the internet, etc but have realized that even though my business profits from my social media usage, my weekends are suffering due to my 'thinking in tweets.' Whenever something pops into my mind, I feel the need to write it. I think in 140 characters, I obsess about how to say something... my marketing mind is always twisting and turning.

I have been obsequious (yes, I just used that word... totally came to mind randomly & COMPLETELY fits) to social media and IM instead of focusing on my life around me lately. I've been bringing my laptop into my kitchen while I cook so that I can IM with friends or keep up with tweets. It's almost sickening... even to me.

At 4:35pm today, I finish this post and get ready to shut down Tweetdeck, Facebook and my GoogleTalk for a quiet weekend of happiness and productivity. I appreciate all that is information-sharing but need a break for a bit. This may be something I do more frequently depending on how it goes. Check back for updates.

Happy Weekend!

UPDATE: Sun, Jan 30 at 10:52pm

I have just completed a social media & IM-free weekend. I was able to accomplish quite a bit between running with friends, getting to church earlier for practice, cooking without distraction, chatting with my parents on the phone without distraction, crossing off to-do list items, cleaning, laundry, brunch with girlfriends and so much more.

I was amazed at how often I would think of a tweet or FB post and realize a moment later that it wasn't riveting or helpful to anyone so there would be no point to posting it. Having the inability to post the information was restraining and a great exercise for censorship. Removing the 'thinking in tweets' mentality, not sharing every thought and allowing myself to really focus on the tasks at hand were quite favorable. I wanted the ease of IM'ing with friends but I realized that the information I wanted to share wasn't necessarily worth sending if I had to spend the time to call them about it.

Overall, this was a great exercise and allowed me to have quite a bit more clarity. I can see myself doing a lot more implementing of this in the future on the weekends and evenings. My work is done on social media, not all of my goings-on need to be shared with the world. Time to focus on what helps create connections, inspires ideas and allows for engaging conversation. 

I've recently discovered just how human I am.

This past week I helped organize a group we ended up calling #MetroCarols. Our intentions were pure, our excitement for the holiday was intense and we love to sing. Cheering up the curmudgeons of the DC area on their miserable commute home was our plan & singing Christmas/holiday carols was what we thought would be best. Plan: Organize a flashmob that just happened to break out in carols randomly in metro stations.

Once word went out, my cohort & I realized that we had a much bigger sphere of influence, especially together, than we had any idea. The press & bloggers caught on and we had 150 people sign up. Things got out of control, he did an interview with the Examiner & once the press started posting articles about our plans, metro riders commented with a vengeance. After hearing about stun-guns, their wanting to punch us or push us off platforms, we took our plans off the public Facebook invitation so that we didn't end up doing what they accused us of: ruining their commute. 

By Monday, we had done some behind-the-scenes practicing with the trustworthy NPR & WUSA around to listen in & passed around our plan for where we were going that evening. At 11:30am, TBD & WashFM posted our PRIVATE schedule on their websites for all to see. Tears flooded my eyes and I realized that things had gotten out of hand. Although I was publicly accused of being ridiculous, I was honestly only afraid that if anyone was hurt due to the angry Metro riders showing up just to spite us, I would be left responsible for the tragedy. My humanity hit hard.

I called my cohort with overwhelming amounts of worry and told him I wanted to go home and cry myself to sleep. He had no intentions of backing down and satiated my worry by telling me that I needed to just come enjoy it in the spirit that we had planned in the first place - to spread cheer to commuters.

In a final change of plans so as not to allow anyone to get hurt, we moved to Dupont Circle, press surrounding us, as a group of 30 carolers, and sang joyfully with smiles & chills. The cold air caused us to sing Let It Snow & snowflakes started falling in a beautiful coincidence. Our joy was passed on to those leaving work that chilly Monday evening & DC commuters smiled at us as we moved closer to the Dupont escalator to sing a few more songs without impeding their rush home.

My smile got brighter the more we sang, our group gained momentum and carolers and we ended up singing the 12 Days of DC up and down the escalator & other carols into the Dupont station. After boarding a train & heading to Union Station, we started singing again & stood in a group caroling while people walked past with smiles & joy clearly showing on their faces.

Final outcome: Although my humanity almost got the best of me, we accomplished our main intentions - spread holiday cheer & make people smile - except with full press coverage.

PRESS & VIDEOS:

Check out what they wrote & said about us along with hearing us sing:

GREAT piece by NPR's Nate Rott

WUSA (Channel 9, CBS) coverage with videos of our rehearsal and of the event

Washington Post edited video:



Washington Post video on YouTube:


Washington Post article

Washington Post "Dr. Gridlock" blog about Metro

WeLoveDC's article

Waxing Unlyrical's article by Shonali Burke

FAST: I will stop 'spending' for a year. From 10/10/10 to 10/09/11.

My dad is a spender. My mom is a saver. I realized at 30 that I take after my dad. My mom taught me to be a frugal shopper, only buying what I need and only really spending money on quality items. My dad was always taking us to lunch or buying flowers for my mom or giving more than I knew he could to the church.

I'm not a shopaholic nor do I spend outside my means. I'm a big giver when I do have money and often find great things for my friends or family and give more to the church when I have it. Every once in a while I'll go on a little splurge but I've never been in debt. I have no credit card debt, no outstanding loans... I also never have any money.

I buy quality clothes but not designer stuff. I make sure to have staple items in my closet for all occasions. I rent an apartment with a roommate and never buy ostentatious things. I have driven and paid off the car I bought 6 years ago and have no plans on an upgrade any time soon. I have a dog that I am quite self-sufficient with between cutting his hair and bathing him myself. I do trade to get massages and my hair colored. I do my own nails. My roommate & I keep our thermostat low in the winter and high in the summer. I know how to keep my grocery bill down. You get the point.

All of those things would typically mean that I could easily save money. Yes, living in the DC area (man, it's expensive) & being a new business owner (sacrificing salary & spending savings to get things started) are two of the biggest reasons for not saving much lately but there's something more than that.

What caused this epiphany? Two things:

1. A girlfriend told me a story about a neighbor of hers who can't stop spending. Patra told that neighbor that if she didn't buy one piece of clothing for a year that no one would notice.
2. A 23-year-old girl I know lost her job, her car & her home and decided to sell everything else and go on a tour of the US to write a book about the homeless in every state and she's doing it! Check out www.shaykelley.com

A switch flipped in my head and I looked around me. I have a closet stuffed full of clothing that all fits and works for every occasion. I have all the electronics I could want (camera, laptop, phone). I have a normal set of bills but nothing I'm paying off. Aside from the daily life stuff, I already have absolutely everything I need to comfortably live for a year.

As a working American, I have access to anything and everything I can possibly need or want. If I lost it all, what would I do? As a business owner, I have to trust myself enough to make sure I keep income flowing but do I really need to keep spending?

Spending money on things I don't absolutely need has stopped today. No more Starbucks, no more weekend trips to my parents, no more online shopping, no more wine, no more purchasing for myself or others, etc. I have everything I need and if I need anything, I can make gifts or borrow items from friends.

I will set a monthly budget & stick to it for the following things:

• bills
• toiletries
• groceries
• dining out
• tithing

With the money I hope to save over the next year, I want to:

1. Take a real vacation
2. Give more to my church
3. Put money into my retirement
4. Build a savings

This is something I need to do if I want to do the things my heart longs to do. Working 7 days a week and never seeming to save is getting old. It's time I started acting my age and started thinking about my future. Being healthy physically, emotionally, spiritually, and financially will allow me to be the woman I set out to be.

Saving starts now!

I write a lot about relationships - friends, love, family, God, and work. Life has us wrapped up in relationships, most of which are good but some are not the ones we should have. My life has consisted of lots of incredible friendships, hard family relationships, a back-and-forth God relationship, good and bad work relationships and terrible love relationships for the most part.

My dear friend, Diana, told me that I need to let go of the bad relationships and move forward in my incredible ones so I can find the peace I need inside myself. This is such a big struggle in my life. I tend to reach out for the relationships I shouldn't have because they are a challenge and I like to fix things. I end up getting hurt badly by them but go back again and again. I have too many of these relationships in my life right now and can't find a way to walk away from them.

I keep a little devotional book on my desk at the office called Hope for Each Day by Billy Graham. It's a short verse with a 1-page devotional, quick and easy. This morning I walked into my office with a headache, miserable at myself for not going running and had to deal with a lazy employee which just ended up making me really angry. I was also thinking about relationships I have in my life right now that I know I need to walk away from.

The devotion for today reminded me that God knows everything and puts things in our way to show us He's really there. It reads:

Accept God's Freedom
Draw near to God and He will draw near to you.  James 4:8

One day a little child was playing with a valuable vase. He put his hand into it and could not take it out. His father, too, tried his best to get the little boy's hand out. but all in vain. They were thinking of breaking the vase whtn the father said, "Now, my song, make one more try. Open your hand and hold your fingers out straight as you see me doing and then pull."

To the father's astonishment the little fellow said, "Oh no, Daddy. I couldn't put my fingers out like that because if I did I would drop my penny."

Smile if you will - but thousands of us are like that little boy, so busy holding on to the world's worthless trifes that we cannot accept God's freedom.

What "trifle" is keeping you from God? A sin you won't let go of? An unworthy goal you are determined to reach? A dishonorable relationship you won't give up? I beg you to drop that trifle in your heart. Surrender! Let go and let God have His way with your life.

I believe that God is in charge and really knows my pain and misery in these. I do have relationships that are sinful, dishonorable and painful. They cause me hurt and headaches and I need to let go of them so I can move forward in the way God has asked me to.

What relationships are you still holding onto that you should let go of? Take it to Him and ask Him to help you remove them. I'll try to do it first and let you know how it goes.

• Removing all soul-ties to past relationships that need not be in my future was a tough but rewarding thing I accomplished recently and continue to accomplish every day.
  
• Putting God first in my life and making sure I spend some time with His word and in prayer each day has been very focusing.
  
• Growing a business that will help businesses grow, help my employees build a knowledge-base for future use and give me the satisfaction that I am making a difference has been a challenge that I've jumped into with both feet.
• Reading my devotions and other books that will allow me to see things from a different perspective.
  
• Being more active in the community around me and in my church family.