I am constantly surprised at the vastness of God’s love for me.
About 18 months ago I decided I wanted a solid group of Christian women in my life so I started a monthly women’s bible study at my church. The group now has 30 people with at least 10 people in attendance every month. This month has been especially hard for a lot of us and our study was about encouraging ourselves in the Lord based on Psalm 6. David had many tough times where he felt God had left him only to find He was right there the whole time.
One year ago on May 1 I started working for myself full-time again. I had a laptop, my old job’s promise of referrals and my God-given talents at networking. God has provided so much over the last 12 months – an office, many incredible clients, steadfast friendships, mentors, employees, and so much more. There have been valleys and mountains and I feel like I’ve accomplished so much for having started with nothing. But right now I feel like the biggest failure.
There are so many doubts, so many fears… and the knots in my stomach just keep growing. I don’t know what to do about all of it. The doubt ebbs and flows as does the worry. It’s hard to talk to anyone about it because I feel like I’m falling apart but then I say something to another entrepreneur and they give me that knowing look. Every one of them has been through exactly what I’m going through. “Been there, done that, still wear the t-shirt.”
Entrepreneur for life – that’s me. I will never work for a boss again but I’ve realized that the boss I do have is the most powerful, most successful, most driven boss anyone could have. He holds me when I feel like the world has left me standing in the storm alone. I doubt God is taking care of me but He’s got bigger plans than I can even think of.
At the bible study on Monday I let it all out – all the fears, the tears and the worry. The reception I received and love I felt was astounding. I felt they took my worry and cast it to the sky so God could dissipate it for me. The next morning I walked out my door to find a plate of homemade brownies with a poncho that said ‘so you can dance in the rain’ – the dear girl who has a life full of worry was able to give me a sense of hope and love. This group I started so many months ago has given me back way more than I could ever give them.
The song ‘Your Hands’ by JJ Heller keeps playing on my radio – the words flow through me like God is pouring Himself into me. At the study someone said ‘we have to pour ourselves out so God can pour Himself in.’
“When my world is shaking heaven stands.” This is a daily reminder of God’s love.
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Your Hands – JJ Heller
I have unanswered prayers
I have trouble I wish wasn't there
And I have asked a thousand ways
That You would take my pain away
I am trying to understand
How to walk this weary land
Make straight the paths that crookedly lie
Oh Lord, before these feet of mine
When my world is shaking
Heaven stands
When my heart is breaking
I never leave Your hands
When You walked upon the Earth
You healed the broken, lost, and hurt
I know You hate to see me cry
One day You will set all things right
When my world is shaking
Heaven stands
When my heart is breaking
I never leave Your hands
Your hands
Your hands that shape the world
Are holding me, they hold me still