An Unintentional 24-Hour Transformation

This past Sunday, I decided I was over the brown in my hair. I got a haircut on Friday and realized I felt really manly with short brown hair.

I also got inspired by Mika Brzezinski and her platinum hair. So... I thought I'd do it myself. I took a picture of the 'before' view not thinking there would more than one 'after'. Then there was.

BROWN: Goodbye feeling-like-a-boy.

STRAWBERRY: hrm... not what I was going for.

YELLOW: yeah, there is some orange in there.

SUPERHERO YELLOW: I may take over the world.
Thought it was ok til I got to work. Bad. Very bad.

PLATINUM: Spent $90 at a salon & got it fixed. Phew!

Lesson: never try to take over the world on your own. You might almost lose your hair.

Knowing Your Value: Career Advice

Do you know your value?

How do you figure out your worth?

There are so many ways to calculate how we add up. From earnings and savings to career and job title and even further to marital status and children. Where do you even begin?

Knowing Your Value, a book by Mika Brzezinski, got me thinking about my value but more precisely how women determine their value. From a young age, girls are taught to work well together while boys are taught to win. This has caused all sorts of adult issues in the workplace and beyond. Without quoting the entire book (and I would, it was really that good), the overall premise is how women perceive themselves and aren't fighting for what is rightfully theirs. We're not winning. We're losing... badly.

As I read this book I thought of how differently I was raised and how my career has gone very differently. The biggest thing I realized was my utter lack of knowledge for how women normally act in work & life situations. My sister & I have a mother who never planted dreams of a husband and babies in our heads but instead made sure we knew how important education and a career would be to our futures. She showed us how to value ourselves and made sure we had the skills to excel. There was never talk of women vs men or how women were any different. It was just the way it was.

In college, when asked what I planned to be when I grew up, I only had a picture of myself walking through an office being greeted by my receptionist with a "Good morning, boss. Here's your coffee." while I carried a black briefcase and wore a black power suit. That was my plan - to be the head of a company & have a fantastic staff working for me. I never thought of myself as a woman doing something extraordinary, I was just headstrong and driven and knew I would be someone more than a workerbee.

In Knowing Your Value, Mika talks about how few women will stand up for themselves when a boss or colleague is holding them back. While heading toward my career goals, I worked myself out of sales positions by doing more than those in senior positions, then asked for a raise or promotion. More than once I was told I was doing too well at my job to leave it for another one. I'm not saying I was held back due to a 'you're a woman' slight but as a woman, I could have easily just agreed and continued working in that position. Instead I would find another job and, too late, my boss would try to keep me by offering me what I had asked for. Knowing my value was key in these situations. If I didn't know my value, I wouldn't have been able to ask & be willing to leave if I didn't get what I wanted.

While out to drinks with a girlfriend recently, she shared her job discomfort as the head of a department she had singlehandedly built and how she had no power. I asked what it would take for her to keep her job and it all boiled down to not making enough money for the time she put in. Along with that, she didn't have seniority enough to help implement the changes she saw needed to happen. Her Senior Vice President colleagues were at the same level as she but were 20 years her senior and making at least 4x what she did and were able to make decisions without having to go through numerous levels. Because her department focuses on digital and because digital doesn't come with 20+ years of experience, she felt she had put in the hours and years to make the decisions that affected a lot of the company's revenue.

My response: Ask for the title and a bonus.
Her first response: There's no way they would do that. I should just keep looking for another job.
Me: You have the experience in your field AND you work just as hard if not harder.
Her: I do work really hard. I do deserve more than I'm getting.
Me: What's the worst that can happen? They say no? You're looking for a new job anyway.
Her: You're right! I would be happy in my job with more power and more money.
Me: Remember, present just the facts. This is not an emotional thing, this is all business. If they don't see it after this, they don't deserve you.

One of the biggest things many women do wrong is work their butts off hoping someone sees how hard they work & gives them a promotion or raise. What really happens is we become the person who can take on any project and our plates get so overloaded we burn out. Men keep a list of all the things they have accomplished and why they deserve a raise. Women, take note. You need to be doing that too. You're probably working harder than your male counterparts and making less money or not getting the title you truly deserve.

If you know how much you're worth and you value yourself, so will your colleagues and boss. When was the last time you looked at your job title & position? Are you where you want to be? Are you working too hard to be noticed?

2012 Lenten Promises

New Year's Resolutions in January, giving up things for Lent in February and March... it seems like we keep making promises to do things and most of us end up losing sight of the reasons. This year, I set a year of habits for myself instead of making resolutions. I've done a generally good job keeping them at the top of my mind (aside from hurting my foot and not being able to run the last few weeks) but Lent rolled around and my habits came to the forefront again.

With the topic of habits weighing heavily on my mind, I led Church in Bethesda's Ladies Bible Study on Monday by starting with 'What bad habits do you want to leave behind and what good habits can you replace them with?' Instead of just giving up something for Lent, I wanted a replacement to also remind us of why we're doing Lent.

My admitted bad habit was drinking to shut off my brain. I had found myself making a drink when I got home so I wouldn't spend all night working or enjoying a few cocktails at the bar while networking. It didn't work with my healthy lifestyle of running and hitting the gym when I was drinking daily. My solution was to go to the gym or do 10 pushups every time I thought it would be a good idea to drink. Replacing a bad habit with a good one worked really well in this situation.

While replacing drinking with working out was a great solution and my only other idea being to sit in the dark movie theatre watching a movie, I still needed to find time to just be quiet with a quiet mind and listen for God. I'm a talker (even in my head) and just listening for Him is really tough for me.

My solution: a required 15min of soaking per day throughout Lent. Last night was my first soak & I did it to two 8+min versions of How He Loves (Kim Walker Live & David Crowder) to hit my 15min without having to check every 2. Sadly, laying in the dark on my bed still doesn't help me relax. I tried to focus on the words, focus on breathing, focus on listening. I completed the 15min but wasn't really relaxed. Trying again tonight.

The study I led on Monday really made me realize the importance of community with breaking habits. By admitting a bad habit, it allowed another woman to admit she was hiding her smoking and needed help quitting. Because she did this, one younger woman told her that she had struggled with smoking & gave her ideas on taking it one day at a time. Another admitted to not having Christian friends & influences. Yet another talked about her anger with drivers texting and talking on phones and her hope of their getting into an accident. With my admittance, it gave others a safe place to talk & I believe it allowed us to pull together a support community. I've even received encouragement from one of these ladies on twitter after my notice that it's been 6 days at the gym and 5 days without drinking.

Although I'd love to know what you're doing (feel free to comment below), my biggest question for my Lenten Promise: Does anyone have ideas on good soaking songs?